Category: Humans

For the new year, I have decided to sharpen up my decision-making process. The goal, as always, is complete infallibility. To that end, I am currently test-driving a new approach to screening incoming data. Here it is: never believe anything anyone says — ever.

I have high hopes for this new mindset. For starters, it relieves me from the need to listen to other people at all. I mean, if you aren’t going to trust whatever it is they’re going on about, why pay attention at all? No offense, but all that fact-checking was really chewing into my leisure time.

One still has to make choices, of course. But I am finding that, with dead reckoning and good, old-fashioned horse sense, one can do just fine — without all the messy second-guessing and self-doubt! Anyway, it’s working like a charm so far. I have plenty of free time, and life has become so much simpler.

If you have any thoughts about my breakthrough, please send along your input. I’ll ignore it, but you know, no offense.

Today was one of those days. I had to get downtown, get that piece of mail in before the last pick-up, then haul back across town in time for my big meeting. Everything had to go perfectly.

Luck was with me. I made every light going in, some by the slimmest of margins. Potential obstacles like double parked trucks and uncertain drivers parted in front of me like the Red Sea. Then, at last, I pulled right into the prime parking spot in front of the Post Office. Miraculously available!

On the way back, it was like I was part of an express train. Ten of us, all rolling through green lights without slowing down even a little. That never happens! Even had time for a little light grocery shopping before my appointment!

As I say, it was just one of those days. Oh, I suppose someone might say that the whole thing was a complete waste of energy. You know, because the Post Office was closed.

But hey, I made great time!

I have come to think that everyone is an artist. Each of us, all of us, every last one. It’s part of our genetic makes-up, like the capacity for speech or our near-hairlessness.

Or, I suppose I could say there is an artist in all of us. But that sounds as if he or she is some kind of captive. Anyway, there’s an artist in there, and it has a hand in almost everything we do. Making your bed? Doing the dishes? Straightening a picture on the wall? Exchanging pleasantries with your neighbor? It’s there, guiding our efforts.

Also, I see life imitating art all the time. And back again, art imitating life, in an endless loop. One famous example is particularly striking. Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of Sherlock Holmes, brought his character’s powers of observation and deduction into two real-life crime stories. Doyle, by applying the skills he had originally imagined for his peerless detective, proved the innocence of two men, actually saving one of them from the gallows. Doyle had no history as a detective until he created the greatest one of all time.

That is more than just life imitating art. It’s an example of the creation affecting and even altering the creator. I am willing to suggest that such an effect is not unusual when it comes to artists (like us) and their works.

In fact, I believe it happens every time we employ our inner artist — no matter what the task. Whether the result is a masterpiece for the whole world to behold or a rack of freshly washed dishes, that creative work is reflected back into us. We made it, but it has the power to change us, too. For good or ill. Every time.

Am I making a point here? I’m not sure. What does it mean that our own creations can turn the tables on us? We might have to dip into quantum physics to find that answer. But it is worth pondering that whatever creative juice we put out into the world, no matter how insignificant, becomes an independent agent of change — including within our own nature.

It might be a thing of beauty — or it might be Frankenstein’s monster. The essence of our artist’s creative process will determine the outcome, for the world and for us. That might be worth remembering the next time we make the bed.

Humans have a long history of taking drugs. Alcohol in all its forms has been particularly popular, along with psychoactive plants like mushrooms and marijuana. People just like to get high and have a few laughs. Is there really anything wrong with that? Of course not. That’s why it’s so good to see that drugs are now widely accepted as a good thing. They have come out of the shadows and truly flourished everywhere.

Especially on TV. Not weed and ‘shrooms (not yet, anyway), but you can’t miss all the ads for perfectly legal, doctor-recommended compounds straight from Big Pharma. In the interests of science, I have made a study of those ads and have compiled a list of the medicines that seem to have the most desirable effects (aside from helping people with their medical problems).

Number one has got to be Skyrizi. The people who take these drugs in ads seem to live the most fulfilled, wholesome, and deliriously happy lives. Whatever affliction they may be suffering from is either in remission or completely cured. I’d be gulping down Skyrizi by the handful if I could get my doctor to prescribe it, but he claims I don’t “need” it.

A close second on the high-on-life scale is Ozempic. Again, I’m not sure what malady this drug is meant to address, but it is definitely doing something right. Those ingesting it are active, fun to be with, and beloved by anyone whose lives they touch. Moreover, they don’t seem to be suffering in any way from whatever they’re suffering from.

The same goes for those on a program of Rybelsus (which, coincidentally, professes to be a remedy for the same condition that Ozempic treats). These folks seem happy as well, but I detect a touch of melancholy to the bright-and-shiny yard sales they like to attend. Rybelsus is not so much a downer as a lower upper than Ozempic.

Rounding out the top five stonerific prescription drugs are Leqvio and Rinvoq. They both feature the letter Q in their names (which is qool), but are prescribed, it seems, for different disorders. I rate their “highs” as roughly the same: like some “light mind, light body” sativa that has been forgotten in the back of your sock drawer for a couple of years. Still gets you buzzed, though.

This is all surmisal, of course. I’ve never taken any of these drugs because my physician is such an ethical stickler. All I’ve got to go on is those TV ads, but that evidence is overwhelming: this is some high quality shit.

Fortunately, I do have access to one (and widely advertised) prescription drug: Eliquis. I won’t bore you with the medical condition it’s prescribed for. The main thing — as I have been trying to convey here — is how a drug makes you feel. And what is that feeling with Eliquis, you ask? Well, just take a looks at the ads. Old people smiling! Taking part in fun outdoor activities. It’s like a fountain of youth, they seem to be saying.

Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s not exactly playing out that way (in spite of the usually reliable Q in the name). My happiness level hasn’t gone up appreciably, and you could say that having to take a pill twice a day has actually made me grumpier. Furthermore, I haven’t gotten any friendlier — not like those people in the ads, anyway. They seem to get along famously with just about everybody. Whew!

Come to think of it, they don’t act like sick people at all. And yes, I know they’re actors. I’m not a fool, you know. Anyway, I’m going to keep taking it just in case. It may be a delayed reaction rush.