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Category: Politics

Iranian Uranium
Iranian uranium
I’ve got it on the brainium
Will they do a deal with us
Or set the world aflamium?

And those yokels in the Congress
Whose nuts, I worry, may be numb
Will they throw it all away
And the box it came-ium?

If they don’t do what they ought to
And end up acting lame-ium
They’ll put the rest of us at risk
And hist’ry will be blaming ‘em

Now, I admit there are some things
About which I just may be dumb
But peace beats war on ev’ry score
And it’s more humane-ium

Iranian uranium
It’s rat’ling ‘round our craniums
Will we opt for peace and life
Or pushing up geraniums?
Right, and Wrong
I feel badly for people on the right side of the political spectrum. Let’s call them conservatives. Conservatives get a lot of bad publicity, and the press can be so cruel.

It seems that every week, for instance, there’s some new study in the news examining the differences between the liberal and the conservative brain. The studies all sound very objective, but in every case it’s the conservative brain that comes out looking like a loser. You can bet that every one of those studies was conducted by some snotty liberal “scientist.” It’s unfair, if you ask me.

Worse yet, these stories uniformly play into the stereotypes of conservatives as uncaring, simplistic, rigid, suspicious, violent, and incapable of independent thought. My advice for the good people on the right is to take control of their own narrative by doing some serious rebranding.

For starters, if people insist on clinging to stereotypes about you, why not supply them with a nice, flattering stereotype? Let’s start with your core beliefs. Liberal know-it-alls use them to paint you as backward and delusional; why don’t you take the same ideas as proof of your boundless optimism? If your beliefs are lemons, in other words, just make lemonade! Here’s how it would work:

• Cutting taxes will actually raise tax revenues. You know, because those cuts will unleash the American entrepreneurial spirit that has been hogtied until now. And just think of the money we’d bring in if all taxes were eliminated. You’ve got to believe!

• Besides, those huge tax cuts for the rich will trickle down to you eventually. We may still may be waiting for the seepage from Ronald Reagan’s cuts, but don’t you worry. It’s coming!

• The globe isn’t warming because God loves us and wouldn’t do that to us. (Even though I don’t believe in God, I find this appealing. Who wants to be on the hook for that responsibility?)

• Scientists who say the world is warming are just in it for the money. Why run a hedge fund when the big bucks are in measuring glaciers? Just smile and soak up the rays, I say!

• Americans are the most generous people on Earth, so who needs all these government programs for the sick and the poor? Churches and charities can take care of all that… just like in the Middle Ages!

• Free markets can solve any problem, no matter how huge and complex — one way or the other, that is. The best idea is not to have problems in the first place…and the markets would be happy to make damn sure you don’t.

• War is the simplest, cheapest solution to international disagreements. (Plus, who wouldn’t greet us as liberators?)

Wow, I’m getting an optimism high just writing about this stuff! How about you? Good! Your rebranding is now officially underway. All we have to do is cement the PR gains you’ve made by taking some courageous action as a token of good faith.

Fortunately, this part should be easy. All you have to do is disavow some of the people you vote with. You know…the racists, the militias, the birthers, the religious charlatans, the political mass murderers, the bankers who wrecked the economy, and the politicians who pander to those people just to cling to power.

There, you’re done!
Liar, Liar
Everybody lies. Not all the time, maybe, but we all do it. Sometimes, it’s even the right thing to do in order to shield others from unnecessary pain. I’ll admit that those situations are rare, though; almost all lying is not about others but about ourselves — either for direct gain or to pump up our ego.

In either case, we want the lie to be a secret, because when people discover that you are lying, they tend to react badly. They will hold you up as an object of shame and say you are not to be trusted. It’s so unfair. If you are unlucky enough to have your dishonesty reported on the nightly news, then the shame is greatly multiplied. If you are a person who is in the news business itself, well, then you have a big ol’ figurative turd sitting on your head for all to see.

There are two such figurative turds now resting on two prominent heads in the information industry. Brian Williams and Bill O’Reilly now wear that aromatic headgear, one out of sight, the other in full view. The two are a study in contrasts.

I don’t know whether Brian feels shame. His employer, NBC News, has suspended him for six months, and that acts as a kind of pro forma shaming that may or may not actually be experienced by the ex-anchor. I will dare to say that Bill is a bit of a stranger to shame. To my knowledge, he has never admitted a mistake, and it doesn’t look like he’s going to cop to the several whoppers he’s told about his heroic exploits. Fox News is taking a similar stance, and has even been touting his continued high ratings. Another study in contrasts.

The two men also have different job descriptions. Although both trade in the news as the common currency of their work, Williams’ job was to provide reliable information. O’Reilly’s was to provide analysis — along with high moral dudgeon and molten outrage. In these different capacities, the lies of each man reflect differently on his work.

As I noted, the two men have reacted differently to the discovery that their pants were on fire. Williams copped to it, took a leave, then got suspended. O’Reilly fulminated and threatened. As well he might; he seems to have the most to lose.

For Williams, only his credibility as a source of information is affected. If he lies about his own personal story, we might wonder, does he lie about the news, too? NBC apparently thinks so. When O’Reilly lies about his history, however, the lies go to the heart of his supposed identity: I’ve walked through Hell, I’ve stared Death in the face, my anger is righteous and pure! That character is what he’s selling, and it’s fundamental to his success. If he turns out to be a phony, we don’t just distrust him as a news source, we doubt his whole character. He becomes just another blowhard selling spin — the very commodity his on-air persona so vehemently disdains. If he’s a phony, then his nightly assurance that he’s “looking out for you” — that there is, indeed, a deep personal relationship with you — is patently fraudulent. His whole sad charade collapses, and his career is over.

Or so logic might suggest. It is more likely, I’m afraid, that O’Reilly will sail on, while Brian Williams finishes his career on “Dancing With the Stars” or “Celebrity Apprentice.” People went to Williams for facts; they go to O’Reilly because they’re anger addicts in need of a fix. When all you’re looking for is a mouthpiece for your impotent rage, who cares if he’s fraud? Truth and logic play no part in your choice. If you need that rage enough, cognitive dissonance won’t stand in your way. So his pants are on fire! Aren’t everybody’s?

As I said at the outset, yes they are. We all lie. The difference is, we don’t make a living out of it.
It's Getting Dark Out
Ever since the Republican rout last week, the alarms on the left have been going off about the role of dark money in our democracy. Dark money is the cash that could be coming from anywhere, including foreign governments, shadowy global cartels, and crime syndicates. We don’t know its source because that information often can be and is kept secret by the people who collect these donations.

I agree that this practice is corrupting our system of self-government, but I believe there is an even more insidious menace at work here. It is a rot that eats at the heart of our culture, and it is getting worse with each election.

The right, for its part, shows no concern about dark money. They argue that the last election was a referendum on “the failed policies of the Obama Administration.” It is hard to be sure, sometimes, what failures they are talking about. Unemployment is almost half what it was at the nadir of the recession in 2009. The stock market is at record highs. The American auto industry has been saved. Obamacare has made healthcare available to millions of us and stopped its costs from spiraling out of control.

The only thing stopping Obama and the Democrats was a Republican Party without a single idea of its own besides obstruction and rollback. In some cases, such as the shutdowns and the sequester, they wilfully harmed our country purely out of spite.

And yet, they won. That is the real rot at the heart of our democracy — not so much the dark money as the dark irony. Dark and getting darker. I just don’t know how much more we can take.
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No "new normal" for me, this shit ain't normal.
~ MS, Truckee