Posted on March 01, 2023 by Tim Eagan
I see that two exciting new products have entered the sweepstakes for my nutrition dollar. They are enticingly named “Fruits” and “Veggies,” but the products themselves appear to be…just pills.
I am assured by the promotional materials for Fruits and Veggies that they are crafted entirely from actual fruits and vegetables. All of the benefits I might receive from consuming those plant materials are conveniently packed into tiny tablets of natural goodness. Actual chewing (which we know can be exhausting and even dangerous) is encouraged, but not necessary. Fruits, at least, are said to have a pleasant fruity taste. No such claim is made for Veggies.
The ads for Fruits (in the red bottle) and Veggies (in the green one) feature actual smiling nutritionists who speak in glowing terms of the wonders wrought by these easy-eatin’ quasi-foodstuffs. As I listen, I look for some kind of tell in their testimonials. A slight smirkyness in their smiles, perhaps, or some hint of goofiness in their deliveries.
Because I can’t help thinking that this whole charade is some kind of elaborate practical joke. Or perhaps a trailer for some bad straight-to-video science fiction movie. Food pills? It’s just too corny. Why stop with Fruits and Veggies? How about Steak and Potatoes gelcaps? And where’s my Lemon Meringue lozenge for dessert?
Okay, that’s just silly. Or maybe it isn’t. Fruits and Veggies would have seemed silly, too…until they started spending millions advertising them on TV. Maybe this is not bad science fiction, but our actual, real future rolling out. Maybe the future is going to be nothing more than a succession of rejected Twilight Zone scripts that were thought to be too lame — pointless, uninspired, and just plain stupid.
Or perhaps poorly written episodes of The West Wing, for that matter. Or even scorned plot lines from Game of Thrones ...without the dragons. Maybe that’s what reality is, in fact. Just a long, meandering succession of poorly plotted, half-baked stories without any resolution or even the hint of a moral lesson.
So stop complaining and just tough it out. And eat your Veggies.
(It wasn’t me, by the way. It was supernatural beings that caused the lapse in timeagan.com output last week. Khione, the Greek goddess of snow conspired with Nerdi, the non-gendered deity of wifi connectivity to stop my updates. And my prayers to them did not help. So much for religion.)
I am assured by the promotional materials for Fruits and Veggies that they are crafted entirely from actual fruits and vegetables. All of the benefits I might receive from consuming those plant materials are conveniently packed into tiny tablets of natural goodness. Actual chewing (which we know can be exhausting and even dangerous) is encouraged, but not necessary. Fruits, at least, are said to have a pleasant fruity taste. No such claim is made for Veggies.
The ads for Fruits (in the red bottle) and Veggies (in the green one) feature actual smiling nutritionists who speak in glowing terms of the wonders wrought by these easy-eatin’ quasi-foodstuffs. As I listen, I look for some kind of tell in their testimonials. A slight smirkyness in their smiles, perhaps, or some hint of goofiness in their deliveries.
Because I can’t help thinking that this whole charade is some kind of elaborate practical joke. Or perhaps a trailer for some bad straight-to-video science fiction movie. Food pills? It’s just too corny. Why stop with Fruits and Veggies? How about Steak and Potatoes gelcaps? And where’s my Lemon Meringue lozenge for dessert?
Okay, that’s just silly. Or maybe it isn’t. Fruits and Veggies would have seemed silly, too…until they started spending millions advertising them on TV. Maybe this is not bad science fiction, but our actual, real future rolling out. Maybe the future is going to be nothing more than a succession of rejected Twilight Zone scripts that were thought to be too lame — pointless, uninspired, and just plain stupid.
Or perhaps poorly written episodes of The West Wing, for that matter. Or even scorned plot lines from Game of Thrones ...without the dragons. Maybe that’s what reality is, in fact. Just a long, meandering succession of poorly plotted, half-baked stories without any resolution or even the hint of a moral lesson.
So stop complaining and just tough it out. And eat your Veggies.
(It wasn’t me, by the way. It was supernatural beings that caused the lapse in timeagan.com output last week. Khione, the Greek goddess of snow conspired with Nerdi, the non-gendered deity of wifi connectivity to stop my updates. And my prayers to them did not help. So much for religion.)
