YES! JOIN FOR FREE!
Enter your address below to receive free email alerts when a new comic or a blog post is published:
You may unsubscribe easily at any time & your email will never be shared with anyone!
SHARE
FOLLOW
SEARCH
EAGANBLOG ARCHIVE
Explore the current collection.

When the Worm Turns
I would offer this blog as a clarion call to arms, but I know that I would be ignored. Besides, I don’t even own a clarion.

My call would be ignored because the object of my concern is being heralded as a godsend solution to one of humanity’s greatest problems: too much plastic. Plastic is more than a nuisance; its proliferation is seen as a threat to all that is natural and good in the world. As anyone who has visited the Gyre recently can tell you, that swirling, Texas-sized mass of plastic waste in the middle of the Pacific is now approaching Alaskan dimensions. It’s scary.

Reliable sources are breathlessly reporting that we might be saved from this tide of man-made garbage by a wondrous little creature that just loves the taste of good polyethylene: galleria mellonella, known to its friends as the parasitic waxworm.

Not the most endearing of names, perhaps, but who cares if it will gobble up the Gyre, shrink the local landfill, and bring plastic bags back to our grocery stores? And if you think of the parasitic waxworm as a cute little caterpillar which matures into the lovely-sounding galleria mellonella moth, it doesn’t sound quite so menacing.

Still, you might want to consider this question: what happens when all the plastic is gone? We will have gone down the path of fostering a massive breeding program of these parasites in the name of the environment. Fine. But these worms (or cuddly caterpillars, if you wish) are in plain truth repulsive, death-white caricatures of bug-ugliness, and they will be everywhere. Imagine, if you will, a world writhing and waist-deep in larvae, consuming everything in their path. The ranks of the mellonella moths (which are not nearly so pretty as their name) will have swollen enormously as well, perhaps into the many trillions. Their flutterings could well fill the skies and black out the sun as they seek out new sources of plastic and anything else they can lay their mandibles on. When they’re not laying eggs, that is.

Now, I don’t want to scare anyone. Everything will probably turn out for the best. Check the labels on all your clothing, though. If these things ever get started on that Patagonia fleece shell you’re wearing, they may not know when to stop. As I have said, however, it is unlikely that you will ever actually be devoured by a surging mass of polyethylene-crazed parasitic waxworms. The odds are very low of that happening, at any rate. 50-50 tops.

To be on the safe side, though, I’d advise you to keep that clarion handy. Not that it will be much help if all humanity has been wiped out by the parasitic waxworms.
image
No "new normal" for me, this shit ain't normal.
~ MS, Truckee