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Eaganblog 500
As is my habit, I’d like to pause and reflect about Eaganblog itself. Similar self-reflections have now occurred with every hundredth blog. This one is number 500.

First, let me address the writing itself. I will confess (once again) that there are just too many modifiers in these pieces. Better verbs would help, but finding the right verb is a lot tougher than coming up with some self-important, high-and-mighty, let-the-devil-take-the-hindmost adjective. You see? I did it again.

That tendency is a part of a much larger battle I am waging against lazy writing. All I can try to do is work harder at not being lazy. But before I can do that, I’ll need to work harder at not being too lazy about working harder at not being lazy. As I said, it’s a constant battle.

Let’s move on. This seems like a good time to let go of some topics that have been sitting on the back burner for awhile. Not only am I never going to write these blogs, they have been on the back burner for so long that the saucepans they’re in will also have to be thrown out. Before I do that, though, let me share the topics with you:

• My Pulsating Nodes Theory of space, time, and everything. My fellow cosmologists have long since moved beyond my work in the field and left me choking on their cosmic dust. So be it. They’ll be eating their words once we reach the End of Time.

• Bad sneakers. There was a point at which nearly every new sneaker design was an abomination of awful color and clownish configuration. Those days seem to have passed. There are still plenty of ugly shoes out there that need to be mocked, but sneakers as a particular target are now off the table.

• The cruel, crazy stupids. You know who I’m talking about. I’ve decided not to invest any more energy in these people lest I become one myself.

• Those strings inside bananas. I’m sure you shouldn’t eat them, but my research has come up empty.

• Treason, She Wrote. Sounds promising, but there’s nothing there. Trust me.

• Knute Rockne had acne, Mitt Romney drove an Omni, and David Brinkley was wrinkly. All true, but it doesn’t go nowhere.

• The Pyramid vs. the Web. This was going to be something insightful about the different governing styles of men and women, but it all sounded so sexist I just quit.

I have more themes that have yet to bear fruit as well, but tossing out ideas is not something I do lightly. So, it is still possible that you might discover these themes in future Eaganblogs:

• The slippery slope. Nobody likes these, but it seems that only people who are on the left of the political spectrum are susceptible to them. In some cases, they are even at risk of sliding uphill.

• Elon Musk’s hyperloop invention. Here, the challenge is explaining how it works in as few words as possible for people who are not engineers. Still fine-tuning my eighteenth draft.

• Self-cancelling terminology. This is mostly an exercise in linguistic geekiness, but I am convinced there is word humor platinum to be mined here. It’s just a matter of gearing up to write it all down.

• My Pulsating Nodes Theory of space, time, and everything. Yes, I know that I said I was abandoning this topic, but it just so happens that one of the essential tenets of the PNT is that nothing ever really goes away. So here it is, back on the list.

Hey, you made it to the end! See you at #600!
This Guy I Know
There’s this guy I know — just met him recently, actually — and he is a puzzling dude. I like him, but there is no doubt that he is more than a little strange.

Not in a bad way, really. He’s got a great personality and is always ready with a quick smile. He and I also share an interest in music and sports…and in enjoying life while we can. All of which makes him fun to hang with. If you try to engage him on something like the virus, though, or global warming or the state of the economy or anything really serious, he kind of glazes over and clams up.

He’s more of a good-times guy, I guess. A party animal. It’s almost as if he’s not even conscious of all the strife and worry in the world. On the other hand, I’ve never seen someone who is so quick to tears. Even over the smallest of things, I’ve seen him break down and cry like a baby.

I suppose that’s because he is a baby, but still. Strange.
The New New Normal
If a new normal
Is what you want
Then this announcement
Will be good news

It arrived today
And this is it
So you can relax and
Enjoy the views

And if you don’t like
This brand new sitch
There’s no reason to
To sing the blues

A new new normal
Lands tomorrow
And I know to it
You will get used
'22, All New!
I’m not
A dope
I know
The score

And I
Think things
Will get
better

That was
A wolf
Outside
The door

But now
It’s an
Irish
Setter
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Yes, voting matters. Polls do not.
~ H, Santa Cruz