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Nice Try
Americans are a nice people. Really. Didn’t we did just finish celebrating a holiday that showcases gratitude and thankfulness? Undeniably nice, Id say. And now we are heading into and even bigger celebration that is all about giving. Super nice.

You might suggest here, speaking merely as the Devil’s Advocate (for which you are being handsomely paid, I’ll wager), that some of our other holidays might paint a somewhat different picture of the American psyche. That is fine, of course, because in this country representatives of pure evil are always welcome to join the discussion. In this case, as Satan’s White-shoed Solicitor, you would point to the very next holiday on the docket, New Year’s Eve. Its focus seems to be getting slobbering drunk, taking part in dangerous and illegal behavior, and wrecking whatever good may have been wrought by the previous two holidays. Okay, point taken. But that’s just one holiday.

I’m going bypass the heroes and Presidents’ holidays, if you don’t mind. I would argue that it’s good to honor people whose qualities we’d like to emulate, but never mind. I know that you (as the Prince of Darkness’ Mouthpiece) would strenuously object. Before we start congratulating ourselves about Honest Abe and MLK, you would probably demand to see some proof that we all tend to be more honest or non-violent around these holidays. Wouldn’t you? I am not prepared, at this time, to produce that evidence. Instead, why don’t we move on to the next large, regular holiday…

St. Valentine’s Day! It’s all about love! What could be more lovable than that? The candy, the flowers, the goopy greeting cards! I am already sensing, however, that you (as Lucifer’s Lawyer) are about to complain that all the lovey-doveyness is manufactured and coerced. I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but that seems so cold, cynical, and (I’m beginning to suspect) un-American.

Which brings us to Memorial Day and the 4th of July. You got a problem with those holidays, Beelzebub’s Buttboy?!

Okay, that was over the line. I guess I lost it there for a second. I wasn’t nice, that’s for sure. Why don’t we just move on to Labor Day? Even the Archfiend needs a day off, right? Wait a minute…No? Are you really saying, Counselor to the Antichrist, that Labor Day is a holiday for slackers?

You know, I’m starting to think that maybe the Devil doesn’t even have a right to an attorney. Anyway, we’ve come all the way around to Thanksgiving again. And I’m just thankful this discussion is over. Case closed.

Please Note: Tim Eagan will read your comments but he is currently not publishing them.

Trump supporters are people who know what they believe.
~ JC, Bonny Doon