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There is some provocative news out this week from the Environmental Protection Agency. If all goes to plan, they will soon be releasing 2.5 billion freshly hatched mosquitoes into our skies here in the homeland.

The creatures will be difficult to distinguish from any of the multitudes of mosquitoes already thriving in North America. One difference, though, is that the new breed will be of a species — aeges anopheles aegypti — that is known to spread dengue, yellow fever, and the dreaded Zika virus.

It is understandable that you would have questions about this program. Why is our government trying to kill us? would head the list, followed by Has the world gone mad? Since you and I trust our government completely, however, we know there must be a perfectly reasonable explanation for this seemingly hare-brained scheme.

And wouldn’t you know it? There is! Thanks to the insect breeders at Oxitec, Ltd., there will be some fine-tuning before the release to God’s Grand Plan. Oxitec’s vast new army of insects will actually be waging war against the even vaster army of their disease-carrying cousins by…mating with them! Passionately, wantonly, indefatigably! In every position imaginable (for a mosquito).

Okay, this still looks like a hare-brained scheme, but there is more to the story. After the mass coupling has taken place and all these fully sated insects have moved on with their lives, something wonderful happens. Our mosquitoes, the ones who were released by the EPA, are free to seek fulfillment in any way they choose. Did I mention that they are all males, by the way? Their co-copulators, for their part, will soon thereafter lay their fertilized eggs someplace moist, and the whole process would ordinarily begin again.

But not this time. The offspring from these unions will all follow in their fathers’ footsteps. That is, they will all be males. And so will their offspring, generation after generation, until there are no more generations because there are no more female mosquitoes.

Fiendishly clever, you’ll have to admit. What’s more, there is another interesting side effect. None of the 2.5 billion EPA mosquitoes will be able to sting you, nor will any of their sons. Not because of genetic manipulation, but because males — whether natural or engineered — do not sting. Only the females thirst for your blood…and infect you with dengue fever or the deadly Zika.

We should be careful here not to blame the females in any way for this. They need our blood as part of their role in the reproductive process. If any mosquitoes are guilty here, then all of them must be. The same goes for those viruses. They’re just doing their jobs…like the dedicated engineers at Oxitec.

I’d say that the whole thing is part of God’s plan, but I cannot. The existence of mosquitoes in the first place is itself proof that He does not exist.

Please Note: Tim Eagan will read your comments but he is currently not publishing them.

Yes, voting matters. Polls do not.
~ H, Santa Cruz